If you were wondering, the title is from a song called Bad Intentions by Niykee Heaton. And yes, I know I haven't written in very long BUT I AM HERE NOW (yay).
Anyway, I wanted to write a little bit about our choices. I've been grappling with a question recently, and that is whether our choices are truly what defines us. It's very commonly said that our actions define who we are, but I was just wondering whether it's really about the choice to take the action, or the intentions behind that decision, that make us who we are. Whether a good or bad intention lies at the heart of a decision we make - does that count for anything?
I've made bad choices, with good intentions. I've made bad choices, with bad intentions. I'm not perfect. None of us are. Deeper yet, on another level, I'd like to consider specifically who the bad intentions hurt? If we make bad decisions, based on bad intentions, but only hurt ourselves and noone else, are we still bad? I know these questions are confusing at best, but sometimes the mind struggles to be sure about what it believes.
"Bad" is subjective - different people will interpret it differently, and often in a manner coloured by their own experiences or ingrained perceptions. So when our conscience wants to distinguish between good and bad, what should it go by? Our own interpretations, or those of others, or those which are upheld as "universal"?
A few nights ago, I dreamed I was a confidant to a man who divulged his deepest secrets. He told me of his fears, and aspirations, and also the wrongdoings he had committed that plagued him incessantly. He had wronged others, and his apologies had never felt sincere enough and left him hollow. He had wronged himself, and his reparations were superficial at best. I listened and listened, but said nothing. When I woke, I wondered for a while what I would have said, had it not been a dream. Would I have consoled him, telling him what is in the past, is in the past? Would I have frowned upon these wrongdoings - based on what I am conditioned to think is "wrong", although I would most likely break his already frail heart? Would I have assessed these acts from my own perspective, and looked at him as a person, the same as me, a troubled soul wishing he could undo what he had done?
I honestly don't know. We are taught not to judge others, but we are taught wrong and right like black and white. The more of the world you see, the duller the distinction becomes - clarity fades and you are left with a gradient. The left and right of the spectrum are cast into darkness, and light shines upon middle ground you did not even know was there.
What do you do?
How do you decide?
What intentions lie at the heart of your choice?
- sj
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